What can parents do to help children when they are anxious?
Label your child’s emotions and communicate empathy
When you notice your child feeling anxious, describe how you think they might be feeling;
e.g., ‘looks like you are feeling a little anxious right now, maybe because you don’t know so many people here.’ This helps them to learn to recognise their emotions and make connections between their emotions and how they might be thinking about a situation. Being non-judging and gentle helps the child feel like they can talk to you.
Help your child work out what they are worried might happen in a situation
Children and adolescents who feel more anxiety than their peers, will make anxious predictions and assumption that generate their anxiety. Gently help your child work out what bad thing they think will happen in a situation. If they find this difficult you could make some guesses (e.g., ‘I’d imagine some kids would worry that they will stumble on their words when they do the talk, do you worry about this too?’). You can then help them to re-evaluate these thoughts which can reduce their feelings of anxiety.
Together work out a more helpful way of thinking about the situation
Working out a more helpful, realistic way of thinking about a situation can help a child/adolescent feel less anxiety. It is effective if you can ask a few questions that will help children reassure themselves…
“Can you think of past times when your fear has NOT come true?”
“What has happened to others in this situation?”
“Is there some way we could test this fear out together instead of just assuming it?”
Encourage your child to face the situation they fear
When children and adolescents avoid situations they fear, they never learn that their fears are unlikely to eventuate. Our job is to create the opportunities to (a) disprove their fears and (b) desensitise – or just get used to a situation. An example would be doing a music exam rather than avoiding it; or asking a question of a teacher rather than staying quiet. Facing fears can be made easier by breaking tasks into smaller more manageable steps (e.g., doing a performance of an instrument in front of grandparents and then neighbours before going to the exam.)
When to get further help
If your own parental interventions do not seem to help, then seeking treatment can point you in the right direction to manage child anxiety. A psychologist can offer a thorough assessment to make sure that nothing is missed and can also provide more detailed and thorough tools for managing high child anxiety. The Clinical Psychologists at Psychstuff4kids have many years of experience and expertise in helping children and families manage fears and anxieties.
